Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I'm a cool kid now!

 Life is good!
 Here's what's been going on with me. I finally upgraded to an Iphone, I'm a cool kid now lol Crazy right?! It's pretty much addicting and Dave and I play Draw Something and Scramble with friends ALL day with each other! Also, I am not very good at using it and I accidentally try face timing with people, or randomly put it on speaker phone when I am talking to my mom, or answer and don't know that I did, or mute it and scream into the phone lol. Basically just some things to add some comic relief to my life.

The dogs are actually starting to play with one another- which is even more crazy than me FINALLY getting a smartphone. Lida hasn't chewed anything up she hasn't supposed too, other than the eye balls off my pig slippers (that can be her 1 freebee)  See evidence 1- Guilty on all counts

And oh yes I got a new tattoo! It turned out better then I imagined (the only down side is the guy told me I can't run for 2 weeks- 2weeks REALLY?!) There is really is NO underlying significance to the tattoo. It is 8 black birds flying. We choose 8 because it looked good on the layout of my foot (it's not my lucky #). When we went to look at tattoos I just knew that, that was what I wanted!  After I got it I ran across the poem below. My favorite is stanza is 12 interpret however you like. Happy Wednesday!


13 Ways of Looking at a Blackbird
I
Among twenty snowy mountains,
The only moving thing
Was the eye of the blackbird.
II
I was of three minds,
Like a tree
In which there are three blackbirds.
III
The blackbird whirled in the autumn winds.
It was a small part of the pantomime.
IV
A man and a woman
Are one.
A man and a woman and a blackbird
Are one.
V
I do not know which to prefer,
The beauty of inflections
Or the beauty of innuendoes,
The blackbird whistling
Or just after.
VI
Icicles filled the long window
With barbaric glass.
The shadow of the blackbird
Crossed it, to and fro.
The mood
Traced in the shadow
An indecipherable cause.
VII
O thin men of Haddam,
Why do you imagine golden birds?
Do you not see how the blackbird
Walks around the feet
Of the women about you?
VIII
I know noble accents
And lucid, inescapable rhythms;
But I know, too,
That the blackbird is involved
In what I know.
IX
When the blackbird flew out of sight,
It marked the edge
Of one of many circles.
X
At the sight of blackbirds
Flying in a green light,
Even the bawds of euphony
Would cry out sharply.
XI
He rode over Connecticut
In a glass coach.
Once, a fear pierced him,
In that he mistook
The shadow of his equipage
For blackbirds.
XII
The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
XIII
It was evening all afternoon.
It was snowing
And it was going to snow.
The blackbird sat
In the cedar-limbs.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

"I'm okay, I'm just tired"

 If writing is my way of telling my story, I have not been doing a very good job lately! I have been very busy truthfully, but I have also been avoiding my blog. I have been up and down and all over the place. I recently started running again (consistently) and that seems to help. Here's the thing, I miss my REAL friends, my family, and my support system! I miss being able to be myself 100% without worrying about the consequences(whether it will turn up on some Navy wife website). I don't know when I became such a private person, but it's hard to open up to new people and trust them. I miss home A LOT! I miss who I was. I used to think that if I could be the best friend to everyone around me and help them find the answers to their problems, maybe I could find my own.


I always said if I could have an superpower it would be reading people's minds. I wonder if it's because I keep so much hidden from people.I wonder how many other people do the same. Sometimes I wish people would just look at me and automatically know what was wrong. I know that is an unrealistic wish, but hey a girl can dream. I wish someone would look behind all the sarcastic remarks I make (which are pretty funny) and just ask me, "What is wrong Sara" or "What are you so afraid of?" Maybe the act of someone reaching out to me instead of the other way around would help me find some comfort. I am just sick of telling the world I am "okay" or "fine" or my go to line is "tired!" Quite frankly, I am sick of all of those!

So this is my next step of opening up, of trying to tell "MY" story, trying to find my own strength and my own answers. Strength can be misleading though. And sometimes crying and showing all your raw emotions are strengths, where hiding them.covering them up, and dismissing them are weaknesses. I guess knowing when to open up and be vulnerable is an appealing trait... I also think I have some things to work on. I think this is good for now :)